Questions for family about your Success-driven self-worth

If you struggle with changing your beliefs about performance, this tracking tool can help you objectively assess your growth by involving the perspectives of friends and family. By asking them targeted questions about your behavior, attitude, and emotional responses, you can gain valuable insight into how others perceive your progress in detaching your self-worth from success. While internal reflection is essential, feedback from trusted individuals provides an external lens to see whether you’re embracing new beliefs or if you’re still struggling.

Self-determination theory shows that a balanced approach to goals, grounded in intrinsic motivation, builds emotional resilience and overall satisfaction. This tool encourages both self-reflection and external feedback to mark your progress.

Here are some questions a person trying to change the belief “I must succeed, or else I won’t be accepted” could ask friends and family to get an objective view of their progress:

1. Perception of Behavior and Attitude

• Question: “Have you noticed any changes in how I handle success and failure over the past few weeks or months?”
  • Purpose: To gauge whether others see a shift in how you approach achievements and setbacks.
• Question: “Do I seem more or less stressed about achieving certain goals compared to before?”
  • Purpose: To understand if your external stress levels and anxiety about success have visibly decreased.
• Question: “Do you think I’m more open to sharing my struggles and failures now?”
  • Purpose: To assess whether you’ve become more comfortable with vulnerability and less focused on projecting success.

2. Shifts in Focus and Priorities

• Question: “Do you feel like I’m more balanced in my approach to work and personal life recently?”
  • Purpose: To determine if others notice a healthier balance between striving for success and nurturing relationships or personal well-being.
• Question: “Have I been more present and engaged in our conversations and time together?”
  • Purpose: To check if you’ve become more attentive and less preoccupied with work or success-related thoughts.
• Question: “Do you think I’m placing less importance on external validation than I used to?”
  • Purpose: To see if others observe a shift from seeking validation through achievements to valuing internal growth and self-acceptance.

3. Emotional Responses and Resilience

• Question: “How do you think I’m handling setbacks or criticism compared to before?”
  • Purpose: To find out if others perceive you as more resilient and less affected by negative outcomes or feedback.
• Question: “Do I seem more at ease with not having all the answers or not always succeeding?”
  • Purpose: To assess whether others notice a reduction in perfectionism and an increased tolerance for uncertainty or failure.
• Question: “Have you noticed any changes in my confidence level, especially when things don’t go as planned?”
  • Purpose: To gauge whether your confidence has become more stable and less tied to specific outcomes.

4. Relationship Dynamics

• Question: “Do you feel like our relationship has improved or deepened in any way?”
  • Purpose: To understand if letting go of the need for success has positively impacted your relationships and allowed for deeper connections.
• Question: “Have I been more open to your support, even when I’m not doing well?”
  • Purpose: To check if you’re more willing to accept help and support from others, indicating a shift away from self-reliance based on success.
• Question: “Do you feel like I’m more accepting of myself and others, regardless of success?”
  • Purpose: To assess if your change in belief has led to a more compassionate and accepting attitude, both toward yourself and others.

5. Self-Perception and Growth

• Question: “How do you think my view of success and acceptance has changed recently?”
  • Purpose: To gain insight into whether others perceive a shift in your core beliefs and values related to success and acceptance.
• Question: “Do I seem happier or more content overall?”
  • Purpose: To see if the changes you’re making are translating into greater overall well-being and satisfaction with life.
• Question: “What positive changes have you noticed in me lately?”
  • Purpose: To get a broad view of the progress others see in you, which might include shifts in your beliefs, behaviors, and emotional state.

Using this tool to ask for feedback from others provides an objective way to track your progress as you work to change the belief that success defines your worth. Although fear of vulnerability might make this process challenging, the input from others offers reassurance that you’re moving in the right direction. Research underscores that this shift in perspective can lead to more meaningful and fulfilling relationships and an increased sense of self-acceptance. As you continue to gather feedback and reflect, remember that progress is personal and unfolds at its own pace. Ultimately, embracing healthier beliefs will improve your emotional well-being and deepen your connection with others.