I can’t enjoy the weekend until I’ve checked everything off my to-do list.
Imagine it’s Friday evening, and you’re reviewing a lengthy to-do list. Items that you just didn’t finish this week. Do you think putting the list aside and relaxing for the weekend is perfectly fine? Perhaps the thought of leaving responsibilities, unfinished business, or incomplete projects for Monday is unimaginable! The weekend is here, but you can’t let go, relax, and forget about this list plaguing you.
Does this sound familiar? If you feel you must complete everything on your to-do list before you allow yourself to relax, it might be time to reflect on what’s going on here. Many people have a hard time relaxing and enjoying their free time. But what does this say about them – and you – if you can relate to this behavior?
The Success-Focused Personality
If you must accomplish everything before relaxing and enjoying the weekend, it could be a sign that your self-esteem depends on how much you do. Achieving goals is often the yardstick by which people with a success-driven identity evaluate their worth. Rest feels undeserved unless every task is completed, which may result from how this belief manifests as an internal demand to repeatedly display your value through success and accomplishments.
“I won’t be accepted, respected, or loved unless I am successful.” This is a fundamental (and sometimes unconscious) assumption for people with a success-focused personality. This driving belief may motivate you and support a disciplined attitude toward life, but it can also keep you constantly on edge and diminish your joy.
Example: Trapped By a To-Do List
Imagine a weekend in the life of Chris, whose identity is defined by his drive for success. It’s Saturday morning, and Chris is looking at his phone. He sighs as he scrolls through a long list of things to do: call to schedule an appointment, do laundry, plan for next week’s business trip, unclog the bathroom sink, take his child to soccer practice…perhaps even fit in a couple of side projects. The day goes by, and Chris feels rushed to finish everything so he can finally unwind. But when he checks things off his list, his thoughts keep jumping to the next item. His opportunity to relax and enjoy the weekend has passed him by as Sunday evening rolls around. He feels disappointed in himself, annoyed he didn’t get to everything…and wholly exhausted.
People with success-driven identities often feel bad about relaxing when things aren’t completed perfectly. Even though weekends are supposed to be a time to recharge and reset, they often feel like it’s the opportunity to complete just another set of tasks.
Connecting Value to Achievements
If your sense of self-worth depends on your productivity, you may find it difficult to enjoy your weekends unless everything is checked off your to-do list. Worth becomes proportional to your achievements, and your performance and success shape your self-perception. Any deviation from perfection is perceived as a failure.
This mentality is draining and counterproductive. Instead of accepting yourself as you are, you may seek approval from others through your accomplishments. Therefore, weekends feel like wasted time if an incomplete to-do list constantly reminds you that you haven’t “earned” your downtime.
Make the Mental Shift
The belief, “I won’t be accepted unless I’m successful,” must be challenged to break free from the loop of attaching your worth to your to-do list. First, ask yourself: What happens if I take a break before I finish my tasks and projects? How will this impact my relationships? Will my worth be diminished? The answer is no.
To try this out: Give yourself permission to do nothing for a day and just observe what happens. Just because you didn’t scrub the kitchen floor or respond to that work-related email doesn’t mean you’re not a valuable human being. Over time, you will realize your worth is constant, regardless of how much you “do.”
Building Value in Oneself Outside of Achievement
Examine other beliefs once you begin questioning your success-driven identity. To develop a sense of self-worth that goes beyond your achievements, consider the following viewpoints:
- No matter how long my to-do list is, I deserve a break and some downtime.
- The amount of work I do doesn’t determine my worth.
- No matter what I do, I’m loved and accepted just as I am.
To escape the vicious cycle of stress, overwork, and burnout, you must internalize some basic principles. Remember that achieving material success (and crossing every item off your to-do list!) isn’t the key to a fulfilling life. Taking breaks is essential for your emotional and physical health.
Transform Your Success-Focused Self-Perception
How can you change this behavior and enjoy relaxing weekends now that you know the root problem? Some approaches that might be useful:
→ Make a Clean Break Between Work and Play. Plan distinct times for work and play and schedule specific timeframes to accomplish a reasonable number of tasks. You must adhere to these limits no matter how much you want to get done.
→ Make Relaxation a Top Priority. Time to unwind must become a mandatory component of your weekend schedule. Plan downtime as you would any other activity. Rest isn’t something you must earn! Allow yourself time to recharge by spending time with loved ones, reading a good book, baking, or engaging in pleasurable outdoor activities.
→ Practice Mindfulness. Activities like meditation, nature walks, and mindful eating help you focus on the present moment, which reduces stress. Take deep breaths and return your attention to the “here and now” if you are fretting over incomplete tasks.
→ Learn to Delegate. Not every task or project requires or demands your undivided attention. Ask for help and outsource. Learn to let go of perfectionism and stop worrying about whether everything is flawlessly complete. Remember, “good enough” is sometimes sufficient!
→ Embrace the Importance of Rest, Connection, and Self-Care. Achieving objectives and completing urgent tasks is important, but so is taking care of yourself and prioritizing a healthy balance in your life.
Mastering Weekend Relaxation
Reflect on why you can’t seem to rest on weekends unless you complete your to-do list. Is your sense of value actually dependent on how much you accomplish or how well you perform? If you want to stop identifying only with your achievements (and start enjoying downtime), challenge your beliefs and allow yourself to embrace opposing ideas. No matter what you accomplish, you have value. The key to a healthy and balanced life is learning to relax, no matter how many things you have left to accomplish. Take small steps, set limits, and make rest a top priority. So, ignore that to-do list and enjoy yourself this weekend!
