Stages of Freedom from Your Performance Lie

If you’re looking to break free from the belief that success is necessary for acceptance, this is an invaluable tool for tracking your progress because it offers a clear roadmap of the stages people move through as they begin to let go of the “Performance Lie.”

These stages help you assess your progress and set goals. The journey is personal, and everyone moves at their own pace, but having measurable stages allows you to monitor your growth. By reflecting on how much control the belief still has over your decisions and actions, you can gain insight into how far you’ve come and what steps you need to take next. Self-reflection, feedback from others, and habit tracking are just a few methods to measure your success.

Stage 1: 100% Belief—Unquestioned Acceptance of the Core Belief

• Characteristics:
  • The person fully believes that their worth and acceptance depend entirely on their success.
  • They feel intense pressure to succeed and may experience anxiety, stress, and fear of failure.
  • Decisions and actions are driven by the need to avoid rejection and prove their worth through achievements.
• Behavioral Signs:
  • Perfectionism, overworking, avoiding risks, fear of failure, and seeking external validation.
• Goal: Develop awareness that this belief exists and how it impacts behavior and emotions.

Stage 2: 80-90% Belief—Initial Awareness and Questioning

• Characteristics:
  • The person starts to notice situations where the belief manifests and questions whether it’s true.
  • There’s an emerging awareness that their worth might not be entirely tied to success, though the belief still largely controls their actions.
• Behavioral Signs:
  • Moments of doubt about the validity of the belief, but still primarily driven by the need to succeed.
  • Occasional recognition that others may value them for reasons other than success.
• Goal: Increase awareness of the belief in daily life and gather evidence that challenges it.

Stage 3: 60-70% Belief—Growing Awareness and Challenging the Belief

• Characteristics:
  • The person becomes more aware of how often the belief influences their thoughts and behaviors.
  • They actively start challenging the belief by seeking out and recognizing instances where they are accepted without needing to succeed.
• Behavioral Signs:
  • Experimenting with opposite actions, like being vulnerable or sharing failures, and observing the outcomes.
  • Beginning to feel more comfortable with the idea that acceptance is not solely based on success.
• Goal: Continue challenging the belief by gathering evidence and practicing new behaviors contradicting it.

Stage 4: 40-50% Belief—Significant Reduction in Control by the Belief

• Characteristics:
  • The belief still exists but has less control over the person’s decisions and actions.
  • They increasingly choose to act in ways not driven by the need for success, with growing confidence that they will still be accepted.
• Behavioral Signs:
  • More frequent moments of choosing a different belief in the moment, such as prioritizing relationships or self-care over success.
  • Greater emotional resilience and less fear of failure.
• Goal: Strengthen the new, healthier beliefs by consistently practicing behaviors that reinforce them.

Stage 5: 20-30% Belief—Occasional Manifestations but Mostly Replaced by Healthier Beliefs

• Characteristics:
  • The belief still surfaces occasionally, especially in high-stress situations, but the person is mostly guided by healthier, more balanced beliefs.
  • They have developed a strong sense of self-worth that is independent of their achievements.
• Behavioral Signs:
  • Confidence in making decisions that prioritize well-being and authenticity over success.
  • Ability to handle failure or setbacks without reverting to the old belief.
• Goal: Continue reinforcing the new beliefs, especially in challenging situations, and maintain awareness of triggers that might cause the old belief to resurface.

Stage 6: 0-10% Belief—Minimal Influence, Almost Fully Replaced by New Beliefs

• Characteristics:
  • The belief rarely manifests and has little to no control over the person’s life.
  • The person fully embraces the idea that they are accepted and valued for who they are, not just for what they achieve.
• Behavioral Signs:
  • Consistent ability to make choices based on intrinsic values rather than fear of rejection.
  • Deepened relationships and a sense of peace and fulfillment that is not tied to external success.
• Goal: Maintain and reinforce the new beliefs through continued self-reflection, personal growth, and healthy habits.

Stage 7: 0% Belief—Complete Transformation

• Characteristics:
  • The belief has been fully transformed, and the person no longer feels that their acceptance or worth is tied to success.
  • The new belief system is now second nature and deeply ingrained.
• Behavioral Signs:
  • The person lives authentically, pursuing goals and passions based on personal values rather than a need for external validation.
  • They have a strong sense of self-worth and can navigate life’s challenges with confidence and resilience.
• Goal: Continue personal growth and support others in their journeys by sharing experiences and insights.

Tracking Progress:

• Self-Reflection: Regular journaling or self-assessment to reflect on changes in thought patterns and behaviors.
• Feedback from Others: Seeking input from trusted friends, family, or a therapist to gain an external perspective on progress.
• Habit Tracking: Using a habit tracker to monitor the frequency of new, positive behaviors and declining behaviors driven by the old belief.
• Milestone Celebrations: Acknowledge and celebrate each stage of progress to reinforce the new belief system and maintain motivation.

Changing the belief that your worth is tied to success isn’t always easy, but this tool provides a structured, step-by-step path toward freedom. As you move through the stages, your motivation aligns more with your true values. The transformation allows for a more profound sense of self-worth and fulfillment independent of external achievements. Start the process, celebrate each milestone, and you’ll see that changing this belief is possible and worthwhile.